I’m Calm(ond Butter)

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Make yourself calm(ond butter) with this recipe inspired by A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum!

I'm Calm(ond Butter) - a recipe for homemade almond butter inspired by the musical A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum!

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As you’ll no doubt recall from A Fennel Thing Happened On The Way To The Oven, the Sondheim Roman panto “Forum” is a show that we’re all fond of here at Cabernet Towers. We performed it in 2003 – directed and choreographed by Georgina, with Angus playing Hysterium, and Keith playing an 80’s dancer in leg warmers (what WAS that all about?!? – Ed)

The song I’m Calm is sung by Hysterium, at a point in Act I where the character is trying not to panic about – well – quite a lot of things really. Who will upstage him next, how he ended up in a role where he has to wear a dress – again, whether his fellow cast members will remember to appear at the appropriate times and not least – wondering why he has to take a bench offstage with him at the end of his song.

With fabulous comic timing, a wonderful voice and no small amount of tan-colored make-up, Angus was perfect in this role. Actually, the foundation he used is really similar to the color of this homemade almond butter… (You did it! And there was me thinking that this segue would be beyond you this time… – Ed)

This almond butter is full of flavor and, as you’d expect,  much better than shop-bought. Use dry roasted unsalted almonds for best results, then add in a little sea salt when the butter has formed. Oh, and you’ll need a powerful blender for this recipe.

Add the almonds to the blender and keep blending until the nuts have formed a flour. But don’t panic! Keep blending and they will go sticky – this is the natural oils releasing.

I’m utterly under control.
Let nothing confuse me
Or faze me– [yawn] —
Excuse me.

Keep going and finally a smooth butter will form. Add a little salt to taste, blitz it again, and you’re done!

I’m calm.
Oh so calm.

I'm Calm(ond Butter) - a recipe for homemade almond butter inspired by the musical A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum!

I’m Calm(ond Butter)

I’m Calm(ond Butter)


  • 1 lb dry roasted unsalted almonds
  • ½ - 2 tsp sea salt


  1. Add the almonds to a powerful blender. Keep blending until the almonds have formed into a butter - depending on your blender, it could take up to 15 minutes.
  2. Once it's made, add the salt, half a teaspoon at a time until it tastes right.
  3. Store the almond butter in the fridge in an airtight container for up to two months.
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